Bad Days Happen

Have you ever hit that place where you wonder if you will ever get better at something or if you are just destined to be mediocre forever?

Do you have that negative voice inside your head telling you just to hang up the lifting shoes? Maybe it's asking you "why bother getting up on those rings, you're just going to fail anyways?"

Maybe it has nothing to do with CrossFit or lifting. Maybe that voice is telling you that your mom-skills suck or that you have failed as a friend or it's telling you that you are terrible at making the bed. Whatever it is, big or small, that voice in your head can be mean.

That voice can be loud.

That voice can be defeating.

That voice can also be a huge liar.

One bad day in the gym, or an off day with the kids does not make  you suck at life. It makes you human. Everyone has those days. The danger comes when we let those voices take over, murdering our self confidence.

DON'T LET IT.

You are that voice and you have the power to make it shut the hell up. The best way to do that is to just keep on keeping on. If you are frustrated, step back take a deep breath and try again. Never stop giving it your best shot and know that some days your best is better than on other days.

There is no way you can be mediocre if you are trying.

Bad days happen.

Brush yourself off, put on a smile. If you don't feel like smiling, do it anyways! Before you know it, your smile becomes the real thing. Your happiness returns. Your joy floods back in.

Take your joy back. It's yours and you deserve it.

Be Beautiful Today

Why are we, as females, so hard on ourselves?
 I know you have heard that phrase, “We are our own worst critic” but seriously, we can be absolutely hateful!
We will say things about ourselves that we would NEVER say to anyone else.
Why?
Where does that come from?
Just recently during one of the classes I was coaching, I was watching one of my athletes do dead lifts in a WOD. It became obvious immediately that the load she was using was way too light. After class, I worked with her to help her get a true 1 rep max on her dead lift. At first, I could tell that she was hoping I would just let it go so she could just slip out the door.
What she told me was something I had heard many times before but on this occasion it was also enlightening and something that I have been thinking about for days.
She said she did not want to lift heavy because she did not want to get bulky.
Looking at this sweet, gorgeous, quiet woman, my first response was automatic and reflexive.
“You will not get bulky doing CrossFit.”
“Women are only bulky if they TRY to be.”
“They have to do “X” kind of things to get bulky!”
I gave her the answers I am always prepared to say when I hear this.
But then I LISTENED to what she was saying. I mean, really listened. Why in the world did she feel this way? This woman is not someone I would ever say could be bulky and yet, she absolutely believed she could. Why?
Then she said, “I've always been told I could easily get bulky.”
“I’ve always been told…”
Words are powerful and I knew then that this wasn't just a conversation to brush off and give the one, two, three answers.
Insecurities are real and sometimes they are very hard to overcome.
I am terribly guilty of my own constant self criticism. I have gotten better and better at keeping them to myself, but they are there and they are real.
Just the other day I was called out by a good friend of mine. He even scolded me for not being able to take a compliment. 
I suck at it. It’s true.
This seems to be an issue with almost every woman I know to some degree. Even the top athletes in CrossFit suffer insecurities. I read a blog the other day about a CrossFit Games athlete with her own anxiety about how her legs looked in short-shorts. It was a great post, and I assure you, her legs are gorgeous, but in her mind they are something to be hidden.  Why?
WORDS.
I promise you, sometimes I would prefer the sticks and stones.
My own insecurities go all the way back to elementary school. I moved around a lot as kid and by the time I was in 5^th grade, I had already attended seven different schools. Making friends was hard. I was terribly shy and being the new kid was something I was made fun of for.
In the 4^th grade, I was made fun of the way I dressed.
In the 5^th and 6^th grade I was teased that I was too white, too tan or just because I wasn't black. I couldn't win that one.
In middle and high school I was teased by everyone for everything, even my best of friends.
I was too dumb.
I was too blond.
I was too skinny.
My boobs were too small.
I was too tall.
My hair was too curly, ect.
Was I a depressed, sad and lonely kid?
No, not at all! I have some great memories from high school and lasting friendships. I wasn't miserable at all and I don’t want you to think that this is about bullying. I took most of it in stride and just accepted that I was “that girl. I just began to embrace it.

In my adult life, it still continues. This was who I am and this is how life goes. As a result, I have grown some pretty thick skin, but those insecurities are there. They are real, no matter how I try to ignore them.

What I am saying is that years of being told that you are not “this”, or that you should change “that”, or that you are not good enough for “this”, WILL have a lasting effect on someone.
CrossFit has done more for my self confidence and my self-esteem than I can put into words, but even now I have a hard time with compliments.
There are still things I struggle with. I have blogged before that someone close to me has always talked about how I need to get rid of my lower belly.
 If there is something I have issues with, it’s my tummy.
Don’t get me wrong, if I am working out in our box in 100 degrees, I am the first one to dump my shirt, but it’s because I can’t stand things sticking to me, not for an ab show, that’s for sure!
 Most of the time, right after the WOD, I will drape a towel over me in a way that no one can see my tummy well until I cool down enough to put my shirt back on.
 I recently went through over 3000 pictures from a competition my box hosted and found myself not posting ones of me because all I could see was my belly. All I could see were the flaws and think “I’m a CrossFitter! I shouldn’t have a belly!”

I promise you, I DO NOT do this with anyone else! I will post photos of ladies from my gym and they will ask me, “Why did you post that? I look “insert reject word here””
I always, honestly respond, “All I see is a strong and beautiful woman!”
It’s true. At my gym, I do not see old people or overweight people or skinny people. I only see amazing, beautiful people that I love to spend my day with!

So the moral of this blog is this.
I need to learn to cut myself a break.
I need to be nicer to myself.
We all need to do this because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, it’s the beautiful person on the inside that people love.

Be beautiful today.

Who's the Bully?

I have really been thinking a lot lately of the goals that I have set for myself and what is realistic for me and what is not. I wrote down a few:
1.get a strict muscle up
2. 130 lb Overhead Squat by the end of November
3. 260 lb Dead Lift by December.
That's what we do as Crossfitters. We reach one goal only to then set a new one.
But yesterday it really hit me how much our thoughts need to be stronger as well.
My class had finished the 11.2 Open WOD, 9 Deadlifts, 12 Pushups, 15 Box Jumps. One of the things I had told them that I really wanted them to focus on was making the pushups as perfect as possible. Is this harder? Why yes it is!
After it was over, I looked over and saw one of my athletes (and friend) just sitting there staring at the floor, close to tears. I knew exactly what was happening. She was mentally tearing herself down because she kipped some of her pushups. I walked over to her and told her, "I know what your doing. Stop it! You did great!"
And as I was talking with her, I was suddenly aware that this is exactly what I have been doing to myself for the past two weeks. I think we are all guilty of it from time to time. But when does it become non-productive?
For example, as I was doing the "Helen" WOD last week, during the last 2 rounds I was in my head asking myself "Why are you doing this? This is HARD! You HATE running! No one cares if you PR or not!"
Really? Yes, really.
Now when the WOD is over, I am disappointed. More with the way I felt mentally during the WOD than anything else. I KNEW I would PR, but I lost my confidence halfway through and started beating myself up for it.
Did I PR? Yes.
Could I have done better? Definitely!
For me, when I am in that uncomfortable place where it's not fun, where it hurts and I am ready to be done, my head is my worst enemy. BUT I never quit!
So what that means is that there is a constant battle in my head between giving up and going on.
Will I ever become that Elite Athlete? Honestly, I don't know, but what I do know is that I won't be unless I am able to change the way I think when I am in that moment.
So, what makes someone ELITE?
My opinion, and that is all it is, is actually quite simple but very hard.
The difference between the average me and the Elite athlete is their ability to turn off that other voice. To shut it down!!! To not only push past the pain, but ignore it and conquer it.
There is no way a 135lb women can dead lift 335lbs unless SHE BELIEVES SHE CAN!!!
Are you listening?
Positive self talk can make every difference in your training AND in your life. This is another example of how what we do as CrossFitters spills over into our day and our lives.
What I have discovered is that sometimes the bully we need to be worried about is that bully within ourselves.
So I have made a new goal that takes priority of all the others that I have set.
To strengthen my thoughts. To quiet the bully inside me and release the full potential that I know I am capable of.
I hope that you will, too.

MONDAY'S WOD
Open WOD 11.2
15 minute AMRAP
9 Deadlifts (100lbs)
12 Hand Release Pushups
15 Box Jumps (20" box)

Score: 8rounds + 5

TUESDAY'S WOD
For Time:
30 pullups
30 KBS (35lbs)
30 Double Unders
30 Overhead Squats (65lbs)
5 minute rest then
2 Rounds of
15 pullups
15 KBS
15 Double Unders
15 Overhead Squats
5 minute rest then
3 Rounds of
10 pullups
10 KBS
10 Double Unders
10 Overhead Squats
Score: 32:00

HOLY COW!!! This was a good one! I really worked hard today on that inner voice. Almost met puckie today too!
So happy with the pullups. After being disappointed with my pullups last week I was determined to PR my unbroken pullups today...and I did! I got 18 unbroken today. :)

STRENGTH
After this WOD, all I worked on was one lift
Push Press
5-5-5 (90lbs,100lbs,110lbs) PR on my last set of 5

Eating:
Monday
Breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs
Post WOD: Progenex
Lunch: Grilled Chicken Salad
Dinner: Zucchini Casserole

Tuesday: left over zucchini casserole
Post WOD: Progenex
Lunch: Yes, more left over zucchini casserole. I love it and made a lot!
Snack: Cinnamon/ Cocoa Almonds and raisins
Dinner: Fried Chicken (Skin removed) cauliflower and mashed potatoes (haven't had these in a long time!)
Dessert: Frozen grapes.