January Blues

I read this quote today in my Facebook feed and it was exactly what I needed to hear.

"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves." ~ Buddha

January Blues. Have you heard of it? I may have invented the term, I'm not sure. For the past 8 years or so, I have experienced the "January Blues".

In the past years, I knew exactly what it was caused by, but it was unavoidable. As you may or may not know, I am also an artist and for 8 years I painted pottery and children's art. The months between September and Christmas were just INSANE for me. I was so crazy busy with all the orders I had, I didn't have time for anything else except painting, painting, painting. I would stay up until 3:00 a.m. many, many nights just trying to make sure everyone was going to get their order by Christmas. My social life was non-existent. My husband stepped up and took over a lot of the house hold work and when he came home from work, I immediately went to my studio and started work. I hardly saw him at all during this time. I suffered anxiety attacks, exhaustion and was just a ball of stress during this time. (Can you guess why I don't do this anymore?)

So, when January comes, guess what? No orders. This seems like a great thing, and I certainly needed the break, but I went from 100mph to zero in less than a week. It was such a sudden shift that I honestly didn't know what to do with my time. Now this was before I was coaching, so I would sit at home while my boys were at school feeling depressed and kind of lost. It would last most of the month of January until I finally got back into the normal swing of things.

Since I found CrossFit and stopped my painting business, my January Blues have not been bad at all. In fact last year, it was non-existent. But this week, I have felt the fingers of it pulling at me. Which has led me to this post.

All week I have just felt "Blah". I am pretty certain I know the cause of this "blah" feeling, but it still doesn't change the fact that I need to snap out of it. Coming back from an amazing cruise with my family, having such a great holiday with my friends and family, and just having an overall fantastic December has made this first week of January, well, boring!

There! I said it. I don't think my "blahness" is really depression, I think maybe I am bored. All the holiday activities and planning and school parties and excitment are over. And now it's...Januray. Blah! And during this "Blahness" it seems I lost my motivation and couldn't seem to find it.

For example, I promised myself that I would post everyday. So then I don't. And then I feel guilty. So I miss another day, and another. And then I feel even more guilty.

Do you care that I don't post everyday? ummm, no!

So who have I let down? Myself.

And that's it! Letting ourselves down can be HUGE in how we feel emotionally and spiritually. Even if it is such a small thing as a blog post.

I mentioned in my last post about discovering that I probably wouldn't be able to dead lift much more than I lift now. Does anyone care other than me? NO. But I was devastated. One of my goals seemed to mock me as I stared at that bar. I was in tears, not from injury, but from pure frustration.

I am still trying to recover from that. And what happened to me mentally is that it rocked my confidence. So, I spent the next few weeks questioning myself and my goals and just beating the crap out of myself.

We all do this. We are our own worst critics. I know I am harder on myself than anyone I know. But at some point, we can be too hard on ourselves and then it just becomes unproductive.

And then I read that quote by Buddha. "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves." Translation-beating yourself up mentally is NOT going to help. Find the positive. Look for the blessings in the day. Make goals you have a chance attaining. "Fake it until you make it!"

Blogging everyday is just not going to happen for me. So, I am changing that goal to once a week. I know I can do that, and there will be no reason to be angry at myself for not being able to cross something off my "to do" list. Deadlifting 300lbs is an "unknown" for me. (See I refuse to accept defeat and say it's impossible) New deadlift goal - to work on my deadlifts once a week,even if they don't get heavier, they will at least get better and faster.

So with all of this in mind as I sit here typing this blog, I am thinking of how I WANT to feel. The things I WANT to accomplish this day, this week, this year. And do you know what I am missing? MY LISTS!

One of things that I haven't done is make my lists. I NEED my lists. Without my lists I am a ship without a compass and I will just wander around aimlessly until I finally sit down and tell myself what I need to do that day!

So, here is my list for the the year.
1. Barnyard Thowdown
2. Garage Games One
3. 135lb snatch
4.Gymnastic Cert
5. True, dead hang muscle up
6. Handstand Walk
7. Teach my 12 year old how to kip
8. Row under 2 minutes
9. 200lb Back Squat
10. 185lb Front Squat

And here is my list for the week.
1. 15 second 15foot rope climb, 3 times
2. 2 strength days.
3. 2 days on dead hang pullups
4. Handstand Work

And here is my list for the day.
1. Blog (CHECK!)
2. Clean my house
3. Enjoy the rest of my Sunday by reading my new Stephen King book
4. Stuffed peppers for dinner tonight! Yummy!!!

In my last post I talked about setting goals and how 2012 was going to be an exciting year. It will be! Shed that funk, make that list and start scratching things off!

I can already scratch one thing off my list. :)