Getting out of the Funk

Overwhelmed.

Excited about a new idea.

Mentally spent.

Inspired.

Unmotivated.

Feeling all of these things at the same time...

I swear it seems like I go through this at least once a week.

How is it possible to have so many things that I want to do,so many things that I have a true desire to accomplish but somehow will sabotage myself from accomplishing it?

I have a list of things I want to do and a list of things I need to do. Sometimes these lists line up beautifully but sometimes it's too much.

How do I sabotage myself? Either I will find myself completely sucked into social media or decide that the bathroom must be cleaned RIGHT NOW! I may pick up a book and, God help me, nothing will be accomplished until I finish the book. If it's a series? Well, it's all over!

Some days, I sit down at my desk and find myself just looking at my computer, my "to do list" right there, staring at me and I feel myself mentally shut down.

Not one creative thought happens. Nothing.

The blinking cursor just continues to blink. My list of subjects that I jotted down in a fit of inspiration have become words just sitting on a pad of paper.

There are many words for this phenomenon, I just called it a Funk. I describe this funk like having a door in my brain being closed. Some days the door is wide open and the words flow smoothly and my lists get checked off. Some days the door is only open a crack, but there are a few days when that door is dead-bolted shut!

Most of the time all it takes to get out of that funk and start the thoughts flying in my head again is to get up and leave the computer. Maybe I'll go for a drive or go to the gym and put a barbell in my hands. When my brain's door finally opens up, and it usually does, I make sure I'm ready to jot it down.

It's okay to have a "nothing day" but don't let it become a "nothing week". This can easily turn into a "nothing month" and then, before you know it, your list of goals have become that blinking cursor on the computer screen, just sitting there, waiting for you to take action.

Today was a "nothing" day for me as you may have gathered just from this post. I have nothing but maybe I have managed to turn it into something, even if it is just me rambling.

Sometimes we need to ramble.

Ramble on.

What Works for You?

Step Reebok...these people looked badass.
 I wanted to put floor lighting in my living room!

When it comes to deciding what fitness program works for you, the hardest part is the number of choices available. Of course, whatever your friends are doing will most likely be your first test drive. Especially if they are getting results.

I know that’s how I used to choose a fitness program. What are my friends doing? 

When I was in my early 20’s after having my first child, I was experiencing that dose of reality that, unlike my best friend,  my body was not going to spring back to its pre-pregnancy shape. I had never really had to work out before having kids. I would play around in the weight room and go to a few aerobics classes in college, but then stop by Hardees on my way home and don’t forget those cigarettes! I was a size 6 and could eat whatever I wanted. Ahh, those were the days! The point is, calling me “healthy” was a term that I used loosely although I thought I was.  I mean I was skinny and skinny meant healthy, right? In 1997, yes it did.

Post-child birth. So yeah, I discovered that Hardees no longer did my body good and thankfully I did quit smoking, but now what? What to do? When I tell you that I tried everything, I mean it! My friend invited me to a new aerobics class with her and said it would help me get my pre-baby body back. This wasn't going to be like the aerobics I took in college. This was supposed to be even harder! I am all about a challenge and so I was interested. This was 1997 and Step-Aerobics was the new big trend. She and I went 5 days a week, like clockwork. She looked A-MA-ZING and could wear the little thong leotard with spandex. Not me, I was still in my baggy t-shirts and baggy gym shorts. I was inspired but damn I hated aerobics after about 3 weeks. I didn’t want to admit it because she loved it so much, but during the whole class I would just look longingly at the free weights wishing I was over in that part of the gym. I wanted abs! I wanted muscles! I wanted be a bad ass like Demi Moore in that movie "G. I. Jane", or look like Gin Miller from the Step Reebok videos. The problem was that aerobics felt like dancing to me and for me to dance, a shot of alcohol is required for me to even begin to feel coordinated!

I always felt accomplished after class, but if my friend didn’t show up at my house every morning to take me, I would not have gone much longer. Aerobics seemed to work for her, but it wasn’t working for me.

Then along came Body Pump. Another friend invited me to a class and I immediately loved it! It was fun! We used weights! Yay weights! No dancing! Yay, no dancing! Soon though, my friend that invited me burned out fast and quit going. I didn’t understand because who wouldn’t want to do squats for hours? Yay, squats and jello legs! Body pump worked for me but it didn’t work for her.

After an injury to my neck, I had to stop going to Body Pump. (Who knew that holding a barbell on your neck for an hour could be bad?) I tried speed walking. The “safe” choice my doctor recommended. I didn’t get it. I mean, I walked all the time, why would putting on sweat pants and walking around the neighborhood really fast be any different than walking to the bathroom, or walking in the grocery store? If you needed to get from one place to another, you walked. I saw it as a means of transportation, not exercise. Conclusion, walking as exercise did not work for me.

Running? Oh! I was so jealous of my running friends! I still am. They always look so fit and amazing, running down the street with their earbuds in, sweating, dripping with determination and confidence. They had marathon stickers on their cars and wore expensive special shoes. They even shopped at their own store in town, “The Trak Shak”. I wanted in! You can never say a runner is not an athlete, right? Every time I passed a jogger/runner on the road I would think “look how running makes them look so great!!” I was so excited to try this new venture. This was going to be amazing! So, I bought some running shoes and hit the pavement…and hated every moment. Oh my God! I think I made it half a block before I began to hate my life. I discovered the worst part of running was that half way through it when you are really tired and want to die, the only way back to your car is to keep running, or in my case, the slow, hobbled, limp jog. How did people do this every day…on purpose?! Yeah. Running didn’t work for me.

Then I tried P-90X. It was the big thing in 2004 and with a brand new baby, going to the gym was not a reality for me. This was something I could do at home. The people in videos had muscles. Perfect! I wanted muscles, too!  They used weights. YES! It had a program. PERFECT! No dancing and even better, no running! Yay! It was hard but I enjoyed the new challenge and felt like I was accomplishing something. My friends thought I was crazy because I refused to miss a day. I did P90-X for three years. YES, you read that right, THREE years. Why? Because it worked for me. Three years is a long time though, especially if you are watching the same 9 videos over and over again and I eventually I hit a plateau and became really burned out on it. That’s a lot of hours with Tony Horton.

Then one day, I heard about this thing called CrossFit. I was ready for a change and a new challenge. I was tired of being mediocre at everything. I still didn't have abs although I was beginning to see some shape to my arms. Remarkably, my quest for muscles exceeded to the "let's get toned" phase my friends were in. I didn't understand why they didn't want to be stronger and they didn't understand why I did. Why would I want muscles, they wondered. Don't misunderstand, I didn't want to achieve the body of a body builder, but I did want to see a bicep or a quad make an appearance. It seemed I was alone in my quest for this athletic look and I think that's how I found what worked for me.

 I’ll admit, I also wanted to do something that none of my friends were doing so that I would stop comparing my weaknesses to them and focus on what I needed to do. I would get to do weights and pull-ups and learn new tricks, so I was excited to try this new thing. I fell in love with it instantly! I had to do some running but it was always mixed in with other things, so it was never my focus. I could stop thinking about how much I hated running and instead think, “After I finish running, I get to do ______”. Funny, how CrossFit made me better at running without me even realizing it was happening. It made me better at everything! I needed to tell my friends!

 I invited several friends to come with me. Some liked it and are still doing it with me. However, some of my friends did not. WHAT?!?!  I didn't get it! How is it possible that someone wouldn't love CrossFit? Seriously?

Then a friend made a deal with me. She would come to CrossFit  with me if I went to Zumba with her.  Did I mention I have an issue with dancing? Did she really want me to dance in a room full of other women, while watching myself in the mirror turn into a complete spaz? I almost had an anxiety attack! No, Zumba was not for me…and it was okay.  OK! I get it now. It was also okay that not all my friends liked CrossFit, that some just wanted to run marathons and some wanted to Zumba. 

It IS okay and we shouldn't shame each other because we think we are doing something better than what they are doing. If it doesn't work for them, it isn't better for them, right? One size does not fit all. If you don’t love what you are doing, you won’t stick with it. I've been doing CrossFit for five years because it works for me. I look forward to the workout and seeing my new friends that I have made at the gym. If Zumba makes you happy and gets you moving, then it’s working! If training for a marathon is what makes you happy, then it’s working for you!

There are so many things out there to choose from. I had some hits and I had some misses. I had to find something that fit with what I wanted to achieve on a fitness level and what fit in with my life.
What works for your best friend, may not be what works for you, and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to try something new, something different from your friends, you might surprise yourself. The best part is that there are so many things that you can choose from. Zumba, CrossFit, Running, Swimming, Weight Lifting, Kick Boxing, Yoga, the list goes on and on!  The point is – find what works for you and get moving.

The Power of the Coach

I wonder sometimes if people truly understand the influence a coach has on someone. I am not just talking about a gold winning coach, I am talking about anyone that is in the position to teach and train someone to do a sport. Whether it is football, swimming, Olympic lifting, track, CrossFit ...ANYTHING!

In my opinion, a good coach is not someone who has the winning record or the best staff. A good coach is someone who has developed a relationship with his athletes. A good coach knows what makes his athlete nervous and what calms them down. A good coach knows where his athletes weaknesses are and what their strengths are.  A good coach knows what cues will work and which ones won't. A good coach knows who needs to be pushed harder and who needs the softer nudge to finish the task. Most importantly, a good coach cares about more than just winning, he cares about the athlete and not just the athlete but the HUMAN that makes the athlete.

This person has been given an incredible amount of power. No, I don't mean that they rule the roost, although some may think they do. What I'm talking about is the power these coaches have over the athlete they are training. The power to lift these athletes up, full of self-confidence is the same power than can crush them.

Let's talk briefly about the athlete for a minute. There are a handful of people that are genetically GIFTED at sports and will succeed at anything they attempt. In the CrossFit world, that person would obviously be Rich Froning, Jr. In basketball you might say it is Michael Jordan although he may argue that fact. In the football world, the Manning's are the first to come to mind. For the majority of us though, we must be taught and coached. Through that learning process, among a series of failures and successes, we begin to learn what things are difficult for us, what things we really want to learn and be better at and what comes naturally and easily to us.

For me, I am that athlete that wants to do but needs to be coached. TEACH me how to do it and I will do it! Leave me over here by myself to figure it out on my own and I may struggle. The struggle will just piss me off  though and I will eventually figure out how to do the task...especially if I feel I was ignored because you felt I wasn't "Good Enough".

I am a grown up though and I have some pretty tough skin. Kids? Not so much.

When you are coaching a child, and I am using the word child to define anyone that has not graduated high school, you have more power than you are aware of. A LOT OF POWER! That child is clay, sitting in your hands waiting to be molded. If you do nothing with him, if you ignore him, skim over him, create no relationship with him, then you have done nothing with that clay and nothing will be created. An opportunity missed. A possible masterpiece that never was developed. Then you watch as the love for the sport begins to die in their eyes and in their heart. I mean, why try if you are not going to be noticed for your efforts anyways, right?

If you are a coach and coaching has become just a job for you, just a place you go every week to get a paycheck, then this post is for you. Do our kids a favor and find something else to do because bad coaches are dream killers and that's a tragedy. Our kids deserve better.

Who Inspires You?

Who inspires you?

For me, it's not just one person because I have a list of things I want to accomplish. Maybe that is the reason I can get bogged down and feel like I'm not accomplishing ANYTHING.

My son, Brendan is a perfect example of someone who has a list of things. This year, he is on the track team and in the marching band. In his fifteen years on earth he has played t-ball, soccer, basketball, flag football, track and is a third degree black belt. He also plays the trombone and is learning to play the bass guitar. He just told me yesterday that next year he wants me to train him in CrossFit and the Olympic lifts so he can start doing CrossFit competitions. So, another item to add to his list.

Here is the remarkable thing. He doesn't do these things to make his list longer. He does them because, in his words "I want to do everything."

He means it. He really wants to do EVERYTHING! My husband and I had to sit down with him a few years ago and make some hard decisions because his plate was too full. He decided to let go of Cub Scouts. Oh! I forgot to mention that one, didn't I?

I have to admit, when I started this blog today, I was going to use Brendan as my example on how I want to do everything, and therefore can't achieve the goals I want because I have too many at once. Or how I have many people who inspire me because of the different areas in my life I want to get better at, but that's not how this is writing out. I see a very obvious difference between myself and Brendan.

I just WANT to do everything. Brendan has managed to do it and to make it even more impressive to this average "C" student, he has done it all while maintaining A's and B's in school, mostly A's.

WOW! You know what? It's Brendan. He inspires me. He decides he wants to do something and  he just does it.  You would think this kid would be full of confidence and maybe a little cocky.

Nope. He is shy, thoughtful, humble sometimes a little awkward and just adorable.

Today, Brendan is my inspiration.

I better get busy!

Bad Days Happen

Have you ever hit that place where you wonder if you will ever get better at something or if you are just destined to be mediocre forever?

Do you have that negative voice inside your head telling you just to hang up the lifting shoes? Maybe it's asking you "why bother getting up on those rings, you're just going to fail anyways?"

Maybe it has nothing to do with CrossFit or lifting. Maybe that voice is telling you that your mom-skills suck or that you have failed as a friend or it's telling you that you are terrible at making the bed. Whatever it is, big or small, that voice in your head can be mean.

That voice can be loud.

That voice can be defeating.

That voice can also be a huge liar.

One bad day in the gym, or an off day with the kids does not make  you suck at life. It makes you human. Everyone has those days. The danger comes when we let those voices take over, murdering our self confidence.

DON'T LET IT.

You are that voice and you have the power to make it shut the hell up. The best way to do that is to just keep on keeping on. If you are frustrated, step back take a deep breath and try again. Never stop giving it your best shot and know that some days your best is better than on other days.

There is no way you can be mediocre if you are trying.

Bad days happen.

Brush yourself off, put on a smile. If you don't feel like smiling, do it anyways! Before you know it, your smile becomes the real thing. Your happiness returns. Your joy floods back in.

Take your joy back. It's yours and you deserve it.

WODism For Autism, the Beginning

About five years ago I went to an event hosted by Sean Dickson (owner of  Riverchase CrossFit). This event was called Backpack for Buddies and was held at a local park on a Saturday afternoon.

Sean and a select few set up a tent and then did a day-long, grueling workout as people came by to watch and make donations for this charity. My three boys were caught up in it also, very proud of their donations as they handed each can of vegetables one at a time to the lady who was collecting them.  It was obvious to me that my youngest two wanted to jump in and start working out with them. They watched with respect as these strong guys worked through their grinding workout for a good cause and as I stood there next to them, I was inspired.

I spent the whole drive home in deep thought, my mind going a thousand miles an hour. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I could do something like this, too. I was energized! I had an idea and I couldn't wait to get home and tell my husband about it.

See, my oldest son, Taylor, has high functioning autism. He is now 17 years-old, and the resources available to him today are many, but when he was a toddler and I was a young mom, there were not many at all. No "internet highway" for me to find everything we needed for Taylor. There were many long days in the beginning that we felt like we were on our own, treading water. I am grateful to say that we found the perfect school for him with amazing teachers and therapist but I know that this is not the story for a lot of families. I wanted to help.

Taylor started CrossFit Kids not long after I began CrossFit in 2010 and he did really, really well at it. He really seemed to like it and I felt like I had finally found something for him that would keep him active, and more importantly to me, engaged with his peers.

On the drive home from Backpack for Buddies that day, I started to envision it. I could combine my love for CrossFit and my desire to help other families who are living with autism. I  decided that I wanted to create an event, similar to the one Sean had hosted with the big difference being that anyone could participate in it. An event that would introduce CrossFit to children and adults with autism or other special needs and as a result raise money for our local Autism charity.

I had no idea where to even begin but I took a step out in faith and just went with it.I thought maybe we would raise a couple of thousand dollars, I really didn't know what to expect.

Taylor's favorite movements in CrossFit are the gymnastic movements. The idea was to create a workout in his honor using movements that he likes to do. I knew the perfect person to program the perfect WOD (Workout of the Day). I asked my friend, Jeff Tucker with GSX CrossFit and he was happy to help!

The event would be called WODism for Autism and the format was simple. Do the WOD, "Taylor", which is a short AMRAP (As many rounds as possible) and pay a donation to participate. If you just wanted to buy a t-shirt, the proceeds from those also went to the charity.

I think we had around 60-70 people participate that first year and we raised a little over $7,000. I was elated!

Since that first year, we have had hundreds of people come out to support WODism for Autism. In 2013 we year raised over $17,000 for the Autism Society of Alabama.

This year will mark the fourth year for the WODism for Autism and I can't wait to see what we will achieve this year. Our charity this year is KultureCity and they are making a huge difference in so many lives! Taylor looks forward to WODism for Autism every year now. He marks it down on the calendar as soon as we hang up the new yearly calendar for him.

WODism for Autism is close to my heart. Every year, my cup runneth over but I know that there is no way any of this could be pulled off without all the amazing people that put in their time to help and support it. I am surrounded by so many incredible people with enormous hearts!

I learned some very important things through this little journey.

The CrossFit Community is AMAZING!

People WANT to make a difference.

Autism touches the lives of just about every person you and I know.

Watching a child with special needs, ANY special needs, participate in a group event like this and seeing the smiles on their faces makes it all worth it.

It's Time

Four years ago I began this blog for many reasons. The first and most obvious of reasons was to document my journey that I was just beginning with CrossFit. I have always been very clear about that, but there were other my private and personal reasons. I have found that as time has gone by, they are still valid, but life has a way of just happening, doesn't it?

Here is a secret I will share with you. It is time to confess. The real, true, deep down reason I decided to start this blog those years ago was because I have always wanted to write a book. More specifically I wanted to write a book about raising a child with Autism.

That sounds like a great goal, right? Shoot for the stars is how the saying goes, My only problem was confidence. I wasn't sure how well I could convey my message through the written word. I have so much to tell, where would I even start. The thought of writing a book was, and still is, completely overwhelming. I wasn't sure if anyone would even read it and certainly did not think that anyone would care. My solution was simple. Write a blog and just put it out there. If no one reads it, no harm done. Make it about something that means a lot to me but isn't too personal. Stay safe. Stay in my box.

That is how "Just Another CrossFit Mom" was started. To my surprise, some amazing things happened. People began to read it. People began to share it. People began to comment on it and I felt my confidence rise, even if just a little.

Then, an even more amazing thing happened. I opened a CrossFit gym and that same year was asked to be a writer and write about, you guessed it, CrossFit. I couldn't believe it! I was constantly pinching myself and enjoying every moment. I was busy all the time and as a result, my blogging slowed to a minimal. You would have thought that being an "official writer" would have helped propel me towards my goal of writing my book but I was always finding an excuse not to begin. Too busy, too tired, not motivated, not inspired, ect.

I talked to my husband about it not too long ago and he brought up this blog. He suggested I begin using it as a starting point for my book. I thought his idea was great but I seem to always find reasons not to do that as well. After really thinking this through I know what my problem really is. Here is the truth of it. There is only one thing that has kept me from writing that book. Just one.

FEAR.

There! I finally admit it. Deep down I still have all those negative thoughts that I have tried so hard to fight. The very same ones I had four years ago.
Will anyone read it?
Does anyone even care?
Can I even do it?

Last week, my friend Lisbeth shared this "Your Turn Challenge" and I knew it was time. It's time to start writing again and the best way to get the juices flowing again is to blog everyday for the next week.

 It's time to address my fears. It is time to get back in the saddle, reset my sights and conquer this quest.

Who cares if anyone reads it? I NEED to write it. As for the other fears, I realize they don't matter. Sometimes the words just need to be written.

Sometimes We Need To Take the Scenic Route

Even the best laid plans don't always go as expected.

Since beginning my CrossFit journey almost 5 years ago, I knew almost immediately that I wanted to be a coach and one day have my own gym, but not for the reasons you would expect...or maybe so.

When I found CrossFit, I was needing something positive in my life. I was empty and lost and on a terrible spiral down into a dark depression. I had prayed for God to lift me up and what He did was lead me to a place where I would learn to lift myself up...and I did.

How could I not share this? How could I possibly keep this to myself? I had found the best therapy for me.

Yes. Therapy.

When I started CrossFit, I was 15 pounds underweight, living off minimal sleep and just trying to make it from day to day. I can promise you, "getting fit" was NOT on my mind. The only reason I joined my first CrossFit class was because my boys karate instructor had been pretty excited about the "new class" he was offering and he thought I would like it. If you don't know any karate instructors, they are quite persistent.

So, I tried it out, partly because he asked me to, but mostly because I needed to do something other than sit around feeling sorry for myself.

That first class we did a little chipper. It didn't look bad at all, but I ended up in a puddle on the floor. As I was pulling out of the parking lot that night, it occurred to me that in that hour long class, I had not thought ONE TIME of anything else that was going on in my life. My focus had just been on the moment I was in and I was hooked!

As time went on, I really began loving getting stronger. I fell in love with the barbell and I had finally found an outlet for my secret competitive side by competing in local CrossFit competitions. My husband soon began CrossFitting and my boys started CrossFit Kids. To say CrossFit had changed my life would be a complete understatement. It changed my whole family.

Fast forward two and half years and I was blessed with the opportunity to open my own CrossFit gym which I would co-own for the next 2 years. What an amazing experience! (That is a whole separate blog.)

My love continued for coaching. I fell in love with Olympic Lifting. I wanted to be better, to be stronger and faster and my goals continued to evolve. I felt more comfortable in my 40-something year old body than I ever had my entire life! I made life long friendships in the community and I was happy.

I imagined how the gym would grow over the next years, all the awesome things that we could do, but sometimes my plan and His plan are different.

In June 2014, I finally had to admit to myself that it was time for me to change course and I sold my part of the gym to my business partner. Once again, I felt like a failure and very defeated for those first few weeks, but God always has a plan and I had to remember that. I can absolutely testify that sometimes the right decisions are often the most difficult to make.

Almost immediately, my husband and I began working on our garage and made it into a garage gym. It was around our 3rd workout together that I realized how rare it was that we ever workout together. In all the years I have been coaching, I can literally count the number of times we have worked out together.

It was fun! FUN! and I was given another reason to love CrossFit. My boys joined us for the next one and I was given yet ANOTHER reason to love it.

Did I imagine 5 years ago that I would be coaching people out of my garage? No, but I did imagine that I would still be in love with CrossFit and I am. It continues to be the best therapy ever. It's my "Happy Dose" each day!

CrossFit has been given a bad rap over the years, but I can tell you that it saved me and it saves me everyday. I LOVE getting stronger. I love sweating and knowing I gave a workout everything I have but mostly I LOVE coaching. I love the look on someone's face when they do their first double under, or kick up to their first handstand or get their first pull-up..when I see the joy on their face, there's nothing like it. THAT's what it is all about to me and I don't see that getting old for me anytime soon.

I'm still on my journey and what I have learned is that God's detours are blessings and I believe sometimes He wants us to take the scenic route instead. I am thankful for the detours because it causes me to slow down and enjoy the scenery.

Everyone has a different reason for beginning CrossFit and my story is just one in a million. Whatever your reason is, the goal is to be happy with who you are and what you are doing.

So go be happy! Life is just too short to be anything else.

The Blessings of Having a Child with Autism.

Something amazing happened this weekend that I would love to share with you. I also think it is neat that this happened this month because April is Autism Awareness month and my 17 year old son, Taylor, has autism. He is the one I want to tell you about.

I wanted to share this because I want to give parents who may have just had their world rocked by that word Autism and give them something else. Hope.

I will admit it. I love to talk about my children (I have 3 boys). They are my world! Yes, I am about to brag, but this post is mostly about a prayer that was answered. One that I have been praying relentlessly for 15 years.

I will go ahead and warn you that this may be a long post and has absolutely nothing to do with CrossFit. I also understand that you may not have a lot of time, we are all so busy, but I hope you stick around to read this. Pardon the history, but I do feel it is necessary to go back a few years to really explain this in the best possible way.

As a baby, Taylor was perfect. Absolutely PERFECT. He had the biggest, bluest eyes and was so pretty that most people thought he was a girl, in spite of the brown tractor shirt I would always put him in. He learned to walk at 10 months. He loved to give hugs and kisses and he was soooo curious, constantly into everything. ALL. THE. TIME.

It was around 18 months that it became apparent that he was no longer hitting those milestones. The biggest thing I noticed was that he wasn't talking like his peers. I was mildly concerned but I also realized that toddlers develop at different stages. He was walking earlier than my other friends' babies, so it stood to reason that they were just talking early.

I mentioned it to his pediatrician and he said “wait until he is two years old.” He didn’t seem concerned, so my mind was eased.

I started writing down every word Taylor said and kept it on the refrigerator. By the age of two, he had a total of 20 words, some of which he had said once and never again.

I knew this wasn't right.

Again I asked the pediatrician and he said “wait until he is 2 ½ years old”. I did, although my mind was not eased. I KNEW something wasn't right.

At 2 ½, he had a total of 24 words. Most of which only my husband and I could understand. NOW the pediatrician was concerned and he recommended speech therapy.

We immediately started speech therapy with Taylor twice a week. (FYI: the state provides these services for free and they will come to you!)

It was about 1 month into speech therapy that I asked his speech therapist a question that had been eating at me.

“Why can he repeat full sentences from his videos, but not put his own words together and make his own sentences?”

The result of this seemingly innocent question, turned our world upside down.
That day, all she did was tell us she wanted someone else to come see Taylor. A child psychologist. Yes. I was fairly alarmed.

A week later we were visited by this doctor. I remember specifically Taylor trying to get her attention the whole time he was there. He wanted to see what was in her bag and was using his words “can I have?” and she wasn’t listening to him. She was telling us about Autism.

I wasn’t concerned at all. Really!  I knew what Autism was. It was that guy in Rain Man. YEAH. Taylor was NOTHING like that!

But a week later we got the report…Autism.

The floor fell away from my feet and I couldn’t breath and then I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more.

But after a few days a switch turned on in me. I actually felt a little relieved. I wasn’t crazy! After being ignored by his pediatrician for year it turned out I was right about Taylor being a little different. (We got a new pediatrician) I still knew nothing about Autism but now I had something I could research. I could fix this, right? I made a plan and I went into action.

Remember, this was 15 years ago. There was no Google. No support groups to speak of. All I had was a few magazines and a brand new “information highway”. It took time but it gave me a purpose. It gave me a goal.

I was going to help my son.

My husband and I continued him in speech therapy and added Occupational therapy to his day. When he was three years old, we placed him in early intervention in the local school system.

Every year he made progress but every year I kept waiting for someone to tell me that there was cure.

I will be honest, those first years were an emotional roller coaster for me. Every 6 months or so, I would dive into a huge depression.

Why him? He did nothing to anyone. This beautiful, innocent child.
I would get angry at God. Why would God allow this to happen to this child? Look at all Taylor was missing out on.

While my friends were taking their children to t-ball, we were going to speech therapy.
While my friends were telling me all the funny stuff their children would say, I was telling them how he finally called me “Mommy”.
While my friends children were have sleep overs, we were sitting in hyperbaric chambers.

I didn’t have many things in common with my friends anymore. My circle became extremely small. I felt that no one could relate to me. No one knew what it was like. I felt very alone.

It was during one these really low days that my best friend, Cindy, set me straight.

We had just left a bible study that we were attending together. It was about how God wants what is best for us. If we live for him, he will always take care of us.

It made me angry. I remember her looking at me very carefully as we left the church. She knew what was going through my head. She took me to lunch so we could talk and once again, my life was changed.

Without even asking me what I thought, she told exactly what I was thinking.

“God is not punishing Taylor and He is most certainly NOT punishing you for anything in your past. He is not!”

She said, “I know you feel like Taylor is missing out, but he is one of the happiest children I know! Taylor is fine! YOU are the one that is missing out. (Ouch!)

Then she said, “BUT look at what you have that we other parents don’t!”

“Taylor is my angel,” she said. “He makes me laugh every single day. He has taught me to appreciate all the things we come to take for granted.”

Then she said, “Look at all the lives he has touched. How can God not be in that?!”

To this day I don’t think I can ever express how much I loved my friend as I did at that moment.

My whole perspective changed. I admit, I still mourn for those milestones that we as parents just expect to happen.

I still go through my mourning every now and then but it’s much more rare. The most recent I can remember is when he turned 16. He didn’t get that driver’s license and I didn’t get to post a photo on Facebook warning everyone that “Taylor is on the road! Look out!” But I got over it because I know I will have that moment one day.

But there was one milestone that I wished and prayed for him since I first took him to social therapy in the 3^rd grade.

His first day at the Montevallo Speech and Hearing Center, Professor Murdock asked me what my goals were for him.

“My goals?” I kind of laughed. “They may not be what you are expecting Professor Murdock but here they are. I want to have a back and forth conversation with him one day. I want him to have a best friend. I want him to have a first kiss. I want him to go to prom. I want him to get married one day. I want him to have a job. I would rather him work at a gas station and have a family than be a surgeon unable to have to friends. THOSE are my goals for him”

Let me tell you that at 17 years old, I have a back and forth conversation with him regularly, albeit something that he wants to talk about.  He is mainstreamed into his classes and has been from the beginning.
From what one of his teachers told me, he had his first kiss in 9^th grade under the bleachers during P.E. (He still can’t figure out how I found out about that one!)

And the biggest so far…PROM.

This Friday night, Taylor went to his Jr. Prom with his friend Allibeth, one of the most beautiful girls I know. They have been friends since they were toddlers and Taylor told me that she is his “best friend”.  (another goal I had for him.)

Allibeth gets him. It seems that she always has. When they were little, she could play with him when other kids didn’t know how to. She has never been embarrassed by him. She never ignores him. She loves to talk with him on the phone and now text with him. (He loves to talk about movies)

My child going to the prom had at one time in my life been something that I just expected to happen, but it became something so much more significant to me.

I still don’t feel like I have been able to express my feelings about that night as well as I wanted to. It is hard sometimes to put a feeling into a word or words, but what I saw Friday night was a prayer answered, a mom and dad that were moved to tears, a 17 year old that had the best time and young lady who has the most beautiful spirit about her.

My final word is for those parents who have children with special needs. I know there are hard days (or even weeks) but even on those days look for the blessing and know that you are not all alone.

These children are our angels. I truly believe that.

Just Show Up

The CrossFit Open is here and in full swing! Over 100,000 people have registered to participate this year! For 90% of them though, the Open is not about going to the Games, it's about something even bigger than that. It's about being better. Doing things they haven't done before, or just stepping out of their comfort zone and embracing new challenges. For Brett Reeder, it's even bigger than that.

If you ask Brett Reeder who his inspiration as he prepares for the 2014 Open, you may be surprised by his answer.

The 31-year-old dad began his CrossFit journey a little over 14 months ago at CrossFit J19.  “I had been doing the Mainsite WODs on my own, but a buddy of mine had started coaching there and I wanted to try it out,” Reeder says. “I showed up for those first 10 classes and then just kept coming back!”

Then, in April of 2013, while at a local competition, the unexpected happen. Reeder’s 3 year-old daughter, Charlie Jean, began complaining of her stomach hurting. “She doesn’t ever complain, she is always very active, so we knew she must really feel bad,” said Reeder.

Coming home a day early, they took Charlie Jean to the doctor. After discovering blood in her urine, the doctor sent them directly to Children’s Hospital for more tests. After a very long day, they finally did a CAT scan on Charlie Jean discovering a tumor about the size of a softball, in her midsection. “It pretty much took up her whole body,” Reeder explained.

Cancer. A word no parent ever wants to hear. Charlie Jean had been diagnosed with Neuroblastoma.

Immediately they began treatment for Charlie Jean. She went through 5 rounds of chemotherapy, 20 treatments of radiation, a stem cell transplant and is now currently having antibody treatment. The good news is that the tumor has now shrunk down to nothing. Just the scar tissue and remnants of it remain, but it was on September 16, 2013 that it got really rough for little Charlie Jean.

“It all seemed to culminate in September when Charlie Jean began her stem cell transplant,” says Reeder. “We were in the hospital for 56 days and she had to go to ICU for 7 of those days after developing a liver condition. At one point we honestly thought she was going to die.”

One night, while in ICU, the doctors told the Reeders that they were giving Charlie Jean 24 hours to improve, explaining that if she did not, they would have to put her on a ventilator. In that 24 hours, Charlie Jean had a miraculous turn around and was finally able to leave ICU.

Living at the hospital with Charlie Jean was what Reeder did for those 56 days. CrossFit and training was not the priority. “I was eating jelly donuts, and wasn’t working out much at all,” says Reeder. It was all about Charlie Jean.

“I remember that first week back in the gym and thinking, ‘I don’t have it in me to get back at it again,’” Reeder says. “Then I thought about how much Charlie Jean has impacted the lives of so many people and she doesn’t even know. I mean, she is only 3-years old! She has no clue of the magnitude of people’s lives she has touched.”

Charlie Jean doing a WOD with dad during the fundraiser "Charlie's Angels"

So with those thoughts, Reeder slowly began to get back into his training. What he began to notice was that the people at his gym seemed to gain strength just from the fact that he was there, just moving and working so hard to get back.

“I think that is what the Open is to me this year,” Reeder says. “I mean, you don’t know who is watching you. You don’t know whose life you are going to impact by just participating!”

“If you get your first double under or your first muscle up, or even if you are just able to come in and do each workout with a smile on your face,” Reeder continues,  “I mean, you don’t know whose life you are going to change by just showing up and being a part of the community.”

“You don’t have to be Rich Froning, Jr.,” Reeder says. “A lot of people have this misconception that you have to be Rich to be in the Open. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about testing yourself. Being the best you and showing people around you that they have the capabilities to do things they probably didn’t know they could do.”

Reeder demonstrates over and over again that true strength also means being the best you even on your worst days.

“Our gym name comes from the verse Joshua 1:9 about strength and courage,” says Staci Olcott who owns CrossFit J19 with her husband, Kelly. “To me and Kelly, Brett is the perfect example of strength and courage. He is a fighter. He is a warrior. He IS strong and courageous! He amazes us! And Brett says that Charlie Jean is the strong one.”

Coach and gym owner, Kelly Olcott, says that Reeder motivates members of CrossFit J19 on a daily basis. “All CrossFit gyms are unique in their culture but all have one thing in common, a strong camaraderie and family atmosphere,” Olcott says. “You really get to know people when they are exhausted and at the point of being ready to quit. You really become close to people when you are the one that is exhausted and others are around you encouraging you not to quit and telling you that you can do it. Brett Reeder is one of our brothers.”

“Back in April when his little girl Charlie Jean was diagnosed with cancer, our hearts were broken to see our brother faced with this great obstacle,” Olcott explains.  “Like a family dynamic, we all began to think of ways that we could help support the Reeders.”

Rallying behind the Reeders after Charlie Jean’s diagnosis, the CrossFit Community from all over the Birmingham area, quickly came together to help support the Reeders.

“People have been very generous with their time and resources and prayers,” says Olcott. “The CrossFit community came together as a whole and with only six weeks of planning put on a competition to raise over $10,000 to help support some of the financial needs of the family.”

Friends at CrossFit Trussville, after meeting Charlie Jean at the first “Charlie’s Angels” fundraiser knew immediately that wanted to help. In January, they hosted the second “Charlies Angels” to help raise more funds for the continued care of Charlie Jean, demonstrating just how many lives the Reeders have touched.


Reeder says he is just amazed by the community and that he is still “actively recruiting” his wife, Amanda. “Her first experience was watching the Games and she was like ‘Wow! These people are intense!’ and we are,” admits Reeder “but at the Charlie’s Angel Events, she saw the compassion behind that.”

“It’s amazing because the model of CrossFit are these high intensity workouts. You go [into the gym] and spend yourself in every workout, beating your old time, getting one more rep, and it carries over into the lives of these people because they ARE very passionate about what they do,” Reeder says. “You have to be [passionate] to do CrossFit and that drive carries over. When we, as a community put our minds to something, amazing things happen!”

While Reeder is inspired by the huge support of the CrossFit community, Reeder is also the source of encouragement and strength to all those around him.

“I have had the privilege of talking and walking with Brett through a lot of this experience. I and many others have learned a lot from this rock of a man. He has been a leader to us and his family by displaying unwavering faith and commitment to being positive in a very difficult situation,” says Olcott.

“To this day, Brett is the most encouraging person I've ever met,” says friend and fellow CrossFitter, Jeffrey Mollette. “Not only in the gym but outside of it. He always keeps a positive state of mind despite everything that is going on with Charlie. He inspires me to always push harder than I think I can.”

“What I feel like everyone can learn and take away from Brett and Charlie Jean is to never be afraid, instead push yourself further then you think you can,” says Mollette.

Reeder says he gets great strength from Charlie Jean. “If we keep working like Charlie Jean, I mean everything that comes in her path and the way she moves through her day… She is faced with obstacle after obstacle and trials and pokes and prods and she just keeps moving forward,” says Reeder. “She never allows herself to get down or sit in that place of ‘I Can’t’ for too long.”

“I think it’s important for people to know that they can do these things. They can lose weight. They can be active. They can play with their children.”

“You know, I am just an average ‘Joe’,” Reeder states. “but you get better by just showing up. That is what the Open means to me.”

Strength from Within

I have met some amazing people and have heard so many stories of courage and strength and how CrossFit has been huge in the lives of people going through a very difficult time. Sometimes a persons strength has nothing to do with how many plates are on the barbell. Sometimes, it is God's strength from within that shines the brightest.

Recently, I had the honor of meeting Landon Johnson who has such a testimony. Both Landon and his story have truly blessed me. With his permission, I am sharing it you.

Landon and Jaime with baby Callie.

In November 2012, Landon Johnson had big plans. He was training for the 2013 Reebok CrossFit Open with a possible shot at making Regionals, preparing for his Level 1 Certification, and expecting his first child with his wife.

All of that changed for Johnson in just a matter of days.

After a routine check-up, the Johnsons’ doctor informed them that their daughter had not shown as much growth as he would have liked and thought it would be best to schedule a C-section for the next day. 

On November 9, their daughter, Callie, was born at almost 37 weeks, weighing only three pounds eleven ounces. An ultra sound revealed that Callie also had a hole in her heart. Understandably, the Johnsons were shocked but believed that surgery would be able to fix it.

The next day, the Johnsons were dealt another blow. A second doctor said that she noticed characteristics that were similar to Trisomy 18, a chromosomal abnormality, in little Callie.

As a concerned father, the first thing Johnson did was research Trisomy 18 and was devastated to learn that the prognosis wasn’t good. Most babies diagnosed with this condition usually don’t survive past the first year of birth.

“I was just in a state of disbelief. I had all these plans for my daughter,” Johnson said. “I wanted her to grow up, play with Barbies, paint my fingernails, and us go shopping. Now they were telling me I may not see her past one year of life?”

“It hit us hard. You go from excitement to a state of panic in just a day, in just an instant,” Johnson said.

Johnson and his wife, Jaime, made the decision to enjoy every single moment they had with Callie and told the doctors they wanted to take her home.

Landon holding his daughter for the first time.

“We wanted to hold her, love on her and just have her home with us as long we could,” Johnson said.

The day before Thanksgiving 2012, the Johnsons were able to take Callie home.

“Taking care of Callie at home wore us out physically,” Johnson said. “We had a hospice nurse that came in twice a week. Callie was also on oxygen and had to be fed through a tube every four hours, but we wouldn’t have traded any of those moments.”

They cherished every day they had, taking her to see Santa and to the Christmas party at the fire station where Johnson works as a firefighter and paramedic.

“We wanted no regrets,” Johnson said.

On February 7, 2013, Callie passed away at 90 days old.

“My wife woke me up early one morning to tell me that Callie’s breathing sounded funny,” Johnson said. “I woke up to see her take her last breath. I got my stethoscope to listen for her heartbeat. It was the most difficult day of my life.”

Johnson says it was his faith and his relationship with God that helped him through this time. He also discovered how much Callie touched the lives of so many people in her short life.

“At her funeral, I was blown away by how many people showed up,” said Johnson. “People from my gym, I mean, I didn’t even know all their names! I felt bad, but they were there supporting us through this time.”

It was during this difficult time that he said CrossFit became something more to him.

“CrossFit was therapy for me,” Johnson said. “The friends I have made through CrossFit just blew me away. They made me smile. They would tell me daily how much Callie had touched their lives. Talking to people about Callie was healing, and I took every opportunity to talk about her.”

“They are loyal. We suffer together, and we are family,” Johnson said.

CrossFit was also healing for his wife. Jaime had never done CrossFit before Callie’s death, but she credits it with helping her to relieve stress during this difficult time.

One year later, Johnson is now a coach at Over the Mountain CrossFit. 

“As a coach he has such a positive attitude and always knows exactly how to push people and get them motivated,” said Clay Adams, owner of OTM CrossFit. ”Landon has been through some tough trials at a young age, and his faith and strength has made us all better people. I can truly speak for everyone at our box and say that he has not only made us stronger physically, but mentally taken us all to a new level. We are blessed to have Landon as a leader and friend.“

As Johnson prepares for the 2014 Reebok CrossFit Open, he says he has a new perspective on life. He has recently started back competing on the local competition scene, putting his name out there as someone to look out for.

Although he said his support system and coaching is essential to his training, it is his daughter’s memory that drives him most.

“Whenever I get tired, want to quit or drop the bar, I think of Callie and I think, ‘Be strong for her. Push through for her,’ and most days I feel like I can go forever!”

Johnson said his daughter taught him a lot in her short lifetime.

“This situation taught me that life doesn’t always go the way we plan. Life is short. Whether you live 90 days or 90 years, life is still short. If you are not living out your purpose, your calling, it’s going to be wasted,” he said.

As for his ultimate goal in CrossFit, Johnson said he “just want[s] to make Callie proud.”

The Johnsons are currently in the process of adopting and are expecting a son in May.

New Year, New Goals

Once again it is that time of year where I look back on the past 12 months and take an inventory on the year past.
Admittedly, there have been years that were just too painful for me to dwell on, but thankfully those have been few and very far between.
This year was not one of those years.
This year blew my mind and was the best year I have had in a long time. It was a year that many of my dreams came true and new dreams were born. 2013 contained more excitement and joy than I could have ever anticipated.

It was also a year of really hard times. I lost dear loved ones. I learned very hard lessons about friendship and trust. My husband had to move 1200 miles away with his job. My sister's health continues to deteriorate...the list could go on.
So  how could I say that 2013 year has been the best year I have had in a really long time?
Because one of my goals for 2013 was to be happy and the life lesson I have learned this year is that happiness is a choice. I can choose to sit here and tell the sad stories I have been through this year but there have been far, FAR more happy times. Why would I focus on the negative?
My number one goal for 2013 was to be happy, and I am.

Did I meet all my goals for 2013? No, not all of them and that's okay. They will make the list again for 2014.

How many times have you set a New Year's Resolution, only to be completely frustrated and done with it before January is even over?

I will tell you the truth, when I used to make New Year's Resolutions, I don't think I ever made it past the first week!
A few years ago, I found the solution to this annual failure that I seemed doomed to repeat.
I stopped making New Year's Resolutions.
What I did instead was change my whole mindset. I decided New Year's Resolutions didn't work for me and did not motivate me at all. What motivated me was setting reasonable goals, and that's exactly what I did.

I am a list person, and in 2010 I began the year by writing a list of 5 things I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year, writing at the top of the paper "2010 GOALS".
I met 3 out of the 5 goals that year. That was a first, or for you crossfitters, a HUGE PR!

The next year I made a longer list and met more goals.
The next year was even better!

So this is what I want to encourage you to do. Make a list of goals...REASONABLE goals. .
If you have never cooked a meal in your life, serving a 5 course meal by the end of the week may not go well, but learning to cook your very first dish? Yes!
If you have never touched a barbell, becoming the next Annie Thorisdottir at the 2014  CrossFit Games may not happen, but competing in your very first CrossFit Competition this year is a sure thing!
If you have never run a mile, running a marathon by March is not likely to happen, but running a 5K is.
When you run that 5K, make a goal to run a 1/2 marathon and so forth.

Attainable goals. Reachable goals. Before you know it, you will be doing the impossible, the unattainable, the unreachable. You know why? Because you can!

So, make your list. Set your goals and get ready for an amazing 2014!

Embrace YOU!

I think we could all learn some valuable life lessons from children.

This morning I was telling the story of when my son was 5 years old and wanted to be "brown".
When he was in kindergarten he had a little girl friend named Desire (pronounced Dez-er-ray). She was a precious little black girl and he talked about her all the time.
One day he came home and informed me that when he grew up he was going to have brown skin.
When I asked him why, he explained that he was going marry Desire so he needed to have brown skin like she did.
As sweet as I thought this was, I explained to him that he didn't need to change who he was to marry anybody and that it was important to just be himself.
He thought about this very hard for a moment and then proclaimed that he was going to have brown skin and have orange hair.
"Why?", I asked.
He answered very simply, "Because I like the color orange."

Fast forward 9 years. His skin is not brown and his hair is not orange, but he is a 14-year old that has embraced being an individual. He is that kid in band that has the long hair when no one else does. When all the kids were wearing skinny jeans, it seemed he was the one kid who refused. He didn't care what everyone else was wearing. (smart kid) When all his friends were playing baseball, he chose soccer.
He doesn't follow "the crowd" and aside from that day when he was 5, he has never wished he was anyone other than who he is. The kid is pretty self confident.

I have found that as adults we still struggle with this very thing. Self-Confidence.
I have met so many people in my adult life who are not happy with who they are, wishing they could have what someone else has,  or do what someone else does.
I know I have been guilty of this in the past, thinking "if I could do "x" like this person, I would be sooo much happier!"
This is not healthy. Mentally it can be debilitating.

As CrossFitters, most of us at one point or another have looked over at that person next to us who has just crushed their WOD, secretly wishing they would drop a plate on their foot. We yell and congratulate them on their PR, giving them high fives while secretly thinking, "Damn It! How did they just beat me?"

It's okay to admit it. I mean, maybe you had a bad day and are just in a terrible mood. This doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. When it becomes a regular thing though, when you are constantly comparing yourself to someone else, that is the time to step back and take a breath and reevaluate.

If your thoughts are constantly on what other people are doing, you are no longer working on yourself. It makes it a bit more difficult to become better if you are focused and preoccupied with what everyone else is doing. What this WILL DO is cause you to get frustrated, disappointed and frankly will just suck the fun right out of your day!

As some of you know, one of my favorite CrossFit athletes is Cheryl Brost, initially because she is my age and watching her compete in the CrossFit Games gave me the confidence that I was not too old for CrossFit. Cheryl is a phenomenal athlete and I think it would be incredible to be as strong and fast as she is one day.
Coach Mike Burgener is another amazing person that inspires me and I can only hope to be as great of a coach as he is one day.
Will I ever be just like Cheryl Brost or Mike Burgener?
Nope! It's impossible for the simple reason that I am not Cheryl Brost or Mike Burgener. I am me. Do I want to get better? YES, and they inspire me to push myself harder, set new goals, continue to learn and better myself.

God made us all very different for a reason. We all have different goals, skills, talent, gifts, dreams...and faults. If we were all made the same, this world would be a very boring, uncolorful place.

So, the next time you get your butt kicked in a WOD by that person, EMBRACE it!
Be INSPIRED by it!
What you may not realize is that YOU were the one that inspired them first.

Be Beautiful Today

Why are we, as females, so hard on ourselves?
 I know you have heard that phrase, “We are our own worst critic” but seriously, we can be absolutely hateful!
We will say things about ourselves that we would NEVER say to anyone else.
Why?
Where does that come from?
Just recently during one of the classes I was coaching, I was watching one of my athletes do dead lifts in a WOD. It became obvious immediately that the load she was using was way too light. After class, I worked with her to help her get a true 1 rep max on her dead lift. At first, I could tell that she was hoping I would just let it go so she could just slip out the door.
What she told me was something I had heard many times before but on this occasion it was also enlightening and something that I have been thinking about for days.
She said she did not want to lift heavy because she did not want to get bulky.
Looking at this sweet, gorgeous, quiet woman, my first response was automatic and reflexive.
“You will not get bulky doing CrossFit.”
“Women are only bulky if they TRY to be.”
“They have to do “X” kind of things to get bulky!”
I gave her the answers I am always prepared to say when I hear this.
But then I LISTENED to what she was saying. I mean, really listened. Why in the world did she feel this way? This woman is not someone I would ever say could be bulky and yet, she absolutely believed she could. Why?
Then she said, “I've always been told I could easily get bulky.”
“I’ve always been told…”
Words are powerful and I knew then that this wasn't just a conversation to brush off and give the one, two, three answers.
Insecurities are real and sometimes they are very hard to overcome.
I am terribly guilty of my own constant self criticism. I have gotten better and better at keeping them to myself, but they are there and they are real.
Just the other day I was called out by a good friend of mine. He even scolded me for not being able to take a compliment. 
I suck at it. It’s true.
This seems to be an issue with almost every woman I know to some degree. Even the top athletes in CrossFit suffer insecurities. I read a blog the other day about a CrossFit Games athlete with her own anxiety about how her legs looked in short-shorts. It was a great post, and I assure you, her legs are gorgeous, but in her mind they are something to be hidden.  Why?
WORDS.
I promise you, sometimes I would prefer the sticks and stones.
My own insecurities go all the way back to elementary school. I moved around a lot as kid and by the time I was in 5^th grade, I had already attended seven different schools. Making friends was hard. I was terribly shy and being the new kid was something I was made fun of for.
In the 4^th grade, I was made fun of the way I dressed.
In the 5^th and 6^th grade I was teased that I was too white, too tan or just because I wasn't black. I couldn't win that one.
In middle and high school I was teased by everyone for everything, even my best of friends.
I was too dumb.
I was too blond.
I was too skinny.
My boobs were too small.
I was too tall.
My hair was too curly, ect.
Was I a depressed, sad and lonely kid?
No, not at all! I have some great memories from high school and lasting friendships. I wasn't miserable at all and I don’t want you to think that this is about bullying. I took most of it in stride and just accepted that I was “that girl. I just began to embrace it.

In my adult life, it still continues. This was who I am and this is how life goes. As a result, I have grown some pretty thick skin, but those insecurities are there. They are real, no matter how I try to ignore them.

What I am saying is that years of being told that you are not “this”, or that you should change “that”, or that you are not good enough for “this”, WILL have a lasting effect on someone.
CrossFit has done more for my self confidence and my self-esteem than I can put into words, but even now I have a hard time with compliments.
There are still things I struggle with. I have blogged before that someone close to me has always talked about how I need to get rid of my lower belly.
 If there is something I have issues with, it’s my tummy.
Don’t get me wrong, if I am working out in our box in 100 degrees, I am the first one to dump my shirt, but it’s because I can’t stand things sticking to me, not for an ab show, that’s for sure!
 Most of the time, right after the WOD, I will drape a towel over me in a way that no one can see my tummy well until I cool down enough to put my shirt back on.
 I recently went through over 3000 pictures from a competition my box hosted and found myself not posting ones of me because all I could see was my belly. All I could see were the flaws and think “I’m a CrossFitter! I shouldn’t have a belly!”

I promise you, I DO NOT do this with anyone else! I will post photos of ladies from my gym and they will ask me, “Why did you post that? I look “insert reject word here””
I always, honestly respond, “All I see is a strong and beautiful woman!”
It’s true. At my gym, I do not see old people or overweight people or skinny people. I only see amazing, beautiful people that I love to spend my day with!

So the moral of this blog is this.
I need to learn to cut myself a break.
I need to be nicer to myself.
We all need to do this because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, it’s the beautiful person on the inside that people love.

Be beautiful today.

Metamorphosis

My husband pointed out to me that I always begin my posts with an apology for not posting. So, I won’t apologize, but I will explain why I have not blogged in so long.  I have been blessed with a growing CrossFit box, training new athletes and new job as Head Writer for the CrossFit South East Region. It’s amazing how much your life can change in such a short period of time!

When I first began this blog, almost 2 years ago, I was a fairly new CrossFitter with stars in my eyes and big dreams about making it to the CrossFit Games one day. I had my plans on how I was going to get there. I was going to do 2-a-days, add strength and Oly work to my training, clean up my diet, run more, ect., ect..
This was a great plan and I began competing in local competitions. (I LOVE competing!)

But  it didn't take long for me to realize that 2-a-days are not very realistic for me. Adding extra training, time-wise, is very hard for me to do. I am a mom of 3 very busy boys and a wife to an amazing guy that travels a lot. I also currently have 3 jobs, coaching, freelance graphic designer and writing. This is not to say that I gave up on my dream or that I am making excuses for myself because what happened was a wonderful thing.

 I found that my goal changed and that my dream has become even BIGGER.

What could be bigger than making it to the Games?

Changing someone’s life.

My goal did not change overnight, though. It was really more of a metamorphosis. I guess you could say I evolved …this is a good thing. I have been coaching CrossFit for over 3 years and yes, I have gotten stronger and faster.  I would hope so, it’s been over 3 years! I look back at my old blogs and my old WOD scores and I see how far I have come.  I will never be satisfied with my strength and speed. I will ALWAYS want to be stronger and faster, but during this journey of mine I have discovered something that I want even more than my desire to be stronger and faster and that is to watch that new person who walks in our doors reach their goals. To help them get that very first pull-up, that very first box jump, lose that “x” amount of weight or even compete in their very first competition brings me a joy I can not even articulate. 

My goal is to be the very best coach I can be. I want to help people dig down and find that strong person that is inside of them. I know it is there and want to help them find it!

Seven months ago, I took a big leap of faith with my very dear friends and opened a CrossFit box, CrossFit Alabaster. When we opened the doors, we had 20 members and I was so excited! Today, we have over 100 members and every single one is important to me.

My goal shifted. It morphed into something much, much bigger. I still want to be my best, but not for the Games, for my athletes and I want to help my athletes do their best! I think I get more excited when they PR than they do! If you saw the dancing I do when they PR, you would agree. Honestly, I have even cried a few times, I can’t help it.

Is my goal an attainable goal? Yes, it is! I know I can absolutely be the best coach I can be.
Can I be the perfect coach? Absolutely not. Nobody can be perfect. Anyone that claims to be is lying or just delusional.
Do I make mistakes? Of course. If you are not making mistakes, you are not learning.

So I want you to ask yourself the same questions. Look at your goals. If you don’t have any, MAKE SOME!
Is your goal attainable? Of course it is, it just requires action.
Will you make mistakes? I hope so. Remember, you are always learning.

Set your goals high and work your butt off to achieve it because it’s during the “working” part where the miracle happens. Sometimes the result is a goal accomplished and sometimes the result is an achievement that exceeds all your dreams.